A contact of mine recently went the long way around to introduce me to a valued connection. This post is about what he did, how time was wasted and the quick and easy way to do the same job. And a top tip to help you improve your personal brand.

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John connected me to Dave by email

My mate John (not his real name) and I are collaborating to bring confidence building workshops to our education system. I don’t mind sharing that one of my long terms goals is to ensure “soft skills” are introduced to the national curriculum. Because it is a clearly defined goal it’s already happening. John recently met a really high quality contact (we’ll call him Dave) at a seminar.

He realised that Dave and I would get on and that we could introduce each other to valuable contacts. John sent me a really detailed email that must have taken some time to produce telling me all about Dave. What he didn’t know was that I already knew Dave. I’m pleased he took the time to make the effort yet wondered if he did this often. Do you?

How was the time wasted?

Apart from the fact that I already knew Dave, which made the whole exercise a waste of time, there was the long winded email. I felt compelled to read it as it was from someone I like. I didn’t want to miss that all important snippet. There wasn’t an all important snippet.

I am often the recipient of long winded messages. Usually, they are sent direct in the form of newsletters or other spammy messages with no value. However, some people fail to clarify why they are making an introduction. Droning on about why I should meet someone is unnecessary. Make it short and sharp to get attention.  I’m quite happy to accept introductions as an adult and I’m sure that other people are too.

What can I do online to stop wasting time?

If you meet someone you want to introduce to others you could take a look at their LinkedIn or other online profile. It will have a summary of what they do on their profile and also tell you who they’re connected to. If they are already connected it saves you time. If not, send their profile to your connections rather than preparing a detailed message. That can come later.

John now knows how quick and easily he can connect people. When I connect people I make it abundantly clear in one sentence why the two parties should connect, perhaps you can cut and paste from their profile? They can make their mind up without thinking they’re offending anyone. A word of caution. As joiners say “measure twice, cut once”. Think about the merit & value of a connection before you make it.

Wrap up: Email is not always the best way to connect people. Once connected, a short message allows people to work out if there is synergy or not together. LinkedIn, twitter and other online networks allow you to suggest connections and let the other parties decide.

Top Tip: If you do find people you thought had synergy are already connected still send them a message saying something like “I’m pleased you’re already connected as I thought you had synergy when I met Dave”. This shows both parties that you are thinking about them and may reveal an opportunity they might otherwise have missed.

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Can you develop passion if it’s not “doing it” for you?

I get bored of things that don’t work yet networking is actually fun so you can fall into the trap of enjoying it whilst not getting results. I recommend you do a monthly check to see where your network is leading you. Is it towards or away from profitable introductions? When you see profitable patterns emerge you should become more involved in things that are working. Passion can be developed that way.

It’s counter intuitive to develop the passion before the results. Yet, if other people are not doing it, you might just steal an advantage. And if your competition are not tracking their results and networking randomly, you can obtain a distinct advantage by being more strategic. Pointing your passion in the right direction will bring results. Approaching the wrong people repeatedly is a passion killer. Not just yours, theirs too.

Should I fake being passionate about what I do?

Networking is a learned skill and faking it won’t do. There are said to be born networkers and born sales people. Yet each skill can be learned. In online forums, stories are rife about “over passionate” networkers. Interrupting conversations seems to be the biggest bugbear. They are seen as sales people, which they probably are. I think we all want more profit if the truth be told.

Networking has developed an etiquette. If you’re passionate about what you do you can wait your turn and then let rip, albeit gently. But still observe the etiquette, it’s networking not sales. Be yourself, let people know what you do and follow up with those you have synergy with. Then you can be passionate as they will understand. If you faked it the synergy is lost.

Does passion clash with etiquette?

Not all networks are the same and it isn’t easy to be subtle. You have to observe the etiquette of each network to avoid putting people off before you have a chance to engage. You’ve probably heard a hundred times that people buy people. Introductions will find you once the right people know exactly what you can do. Networking is profitable and results can be measured.

Time spent being passionate with the wrong people could be used finding out about them. Connecting them with like minded individuals will help them. They will help you in return. Ask them about the etiquette and they will help you with that too. When you have connected with the right people let them know why you are passionate about what you do.

Wrap up: Are you networking with a passion – yet with the wrong people? Don’t fake it, be yourself and observe the etiquette. Find out what makes others tick and get passionate about introductions with the people that like you and what you do.

Top Tip: Online sites like LinkedIn, twitter, Meetup.com et al give you the opportunity to observe before you participate. Profiles, discussions and recommendations help you take “the temperature” of a group, or individuals within it, before dipping your toe in to their network.

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This post relates to the people at events or online that seem to dismiss others as soon as they have connected with them. Is this the single quickest way to miss opportunities? It happens to me so here’s how I identify them, handle them and finally, I highlight an opportunity that they are missing.

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Feeling ignored at events?

Last week, I was at a great networking event where managing directors meet to see if they can work together for mutual benefit. I was chatting to a couple of people and we were positioned so others could join us if they wanted (it’s called an open three). A smartly dressed lady joined us and I asked her name. The lady told us (I’m going to call her “Di”), asked what we did and walked away without a word of explanation once we had all told her.

Perhaps this was because we were not her “target market” and therefore of little immediate interest. It reminded me of the time when the question was asked on LinkedIn “what do you want from a networking event or group?” One respondent replied “people with a need and a budget.” I ventured that they are more likely at “meet the buyer” events. You will find decision makers at networking events yet they are likely to be there looking for business development opportunities.

How do you handle the ignorant?

It’s probably not their fault so the top tip below indicates one way to help “Di” and yourslef at the same time. There are a variety of reasons why people behave like this. Some are looking for immediate sales, others may be at the beginning of their networking journey. Don’t be offensive even if you are offended. I remain polite at all times ensuring my brand is not affected. There are lot’s of other people at events and online that do want to build relationships.

If they do find I am their target market and launch into a long winded pitch it’s important to bring it to a close and move on without offending them. You are unlikely to find a benefit in listening to a pitch about a service you don’t need. I find a break in the conversation (usually when they pause ever so briefly to breathe) and let them know that whilst I am impressed with the wealth of information they have provided I do not require their services right now. I also add that we should both consider “networking” with other people at the event that may find us of value.

What opportunities are they missing?

One of the two people I was speaking to when we were approached by “Di” was an events organiser. A few minutes later I started talking to a gent who explained he provided software that helped event organisers generate more confirmed attendees. I made a point of making an introduction to the lady that was there to promote events as there was a good reason for them to have a chat.

The immediate opportunity that Di missed may be real or non-existent as there may not have been anyone there that needed what Di provided. Yet, I was one of three people who might have been able to make a connection for her. I will never know if I meet someone that does what Di does. And neither does Di – that is her missed opportunity. The two people I introduced thanked me for it and I got the chance to let them know what I do.

Wrap up: Does this happen to you at events or online? Thankfully, “Di” didn’t launch into a pitch. You might miss opportunities if you do get trapped by the wrong people. If you want to save time find a polite way of saying “no thanks” so you can get on with what you are supposed to be doing.

Top Tip: Try and catch “Di” before she leaves and let them know about a connection that has been made that day to see if it strikes a chord with them. If not, it’s fine, at least I tried. And Di is more likely to remember me.

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Thanks in advance for your promotion of my blog to others. I believe the information I provide is of great value so please let me know if you feel differently. There’s very little self promotion in the blog so please forgive this short and honest promotion of my stuff.

The sharing of this quality information is to give you an inkling of the things I can help you with. To find out if anything I do will save you time and effort with very little risk click here to learn more. In return I promise not to try and sell you anything you don’t want and improve your networking results.

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Why do you connect on LinkedIn?

Last week I responded to a connection request on LinkedIn. It was from someone who I had met at a networking event. They hadn’t offered me their card yet they had asked for mine. When I asked what they were going to do with it they told me they would contact me when they had some business for me. I thought that would be nice.

When I got the connection request I accepted and asked if there was any particular reason for connecting. There was no reply, so rather than miss an opportunity I gave them a call. When I mentioned the connection request they told me that they had someone that “does LinkedIn” for them so had no idea they had contacted me. I was a little surprised and asked how it was working for them. They said they didn’t know because they didn’t know anything about LinkedIn. It made me wonder how many other people are wandering about on LinkedIn. What drives you to connect with someone?

Why does this happen?

As soon as there are new ways of generating business our predatory instincts kick in. We learn how to keep this instinct in check yet it’s part of evolution. There are lot’s of people telling you that you will generate leads “up there”. There are many interested in how they can use the latest “thing” to make their life easier or generate profits. Learning new things can also have the opposite affect. It makes life harder when learning yet the dividends can be immense once the new skills are working for you.

With 60,000,000 users LinkedIn is going nowhere. Facebook is here to stay, topping 500 million members. Yet how many people have taken the time to learn about either in any detail? How many have learned about them in great detail? How many people generate income because of these platforms? How many people generate worthwhile profits? I’m afraid the answers to these questions are ever decreasing numbers.

Is there an alternative?

We have the opportunity to learn about things rather than get involved in strange behaviour or arguments (discussions often end that way “up here”). Yet what percentage of us do? Probably a smaller number than those in the previous paragraph.

You might be surprised to learn that I do not offer a LinkedIn course or have a LinkedIn book. I simply repeat the strategy that works best for me offline in online environments. Yet the fact that you’re reading this is probably because I went on a course and devoured a LinkedIn book. I’m not saying I know all about LinkedIn yet I can tell when people don’t.

Rather than cut them adrift it’s best to point them in the direction of various LinkedIn experts in the UK or elsewhere, they need to tell me where they’re stuck before I can judge who is most appropriate. I enjoy helping others progress. Meanwhile, those that want to know more can use Amazon or LinkedIn to search for a book. The ones I read are listed on my Amazon application on my profile. I learned how to use this on a course

Wrap up: What image are you presenting on LinkedIn? Don’t waste time in an environment until you’ve decided what results you want from it. Take a peek at what others are doing, ask some experts, read some posts, white papers or books. Then you are ready to get the results you deserve.

Top Tip: Keep your contacts open on LinkedIn. Having them closed will give people the impression that you are closed. If you are going to do that you may as well not join. Theories about people poaching your clients are unfounded. And here’s the link to help you understand how getting into an argument online is not going to help you one little bit http://bit.ly/bgIX3p

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Why are people judging those they haven’t even met?

Meetups are great, they are held for all sorts of reasons from business support to finding participants for adventure holidays. Typically, they are an opportunity to network and some have very definite outcomes which are made clear on the invite. Sometimes the organiser will have a reason for wanting to get a few new people in a room together yet they don’t always make it clear what their motive is.

The invite to this group didn’t make clear why it was being set up yet it was crystal clear in it’s aim to exclude people from certain sectors. Perhaps they had been to events where “coaches” and financial advisers had tried to sell to them – developing a dodgy brand for those that follow. Did this leave them wondering how they could sell their own wares? A lot of people I’ve met had this concern and I’ve previously posted that this is networkings dirty little secret.

What can the uninvited do to help themselves?

The main concern of this particular group leader seems to be a common one. If people are trying to sell to me how am I going to sell to them? This is the natural concern, perhaps hidden, of most people who network which maybe why so many “vomit” their sales pitch on you without getting permission. Or could it be that  the organiser wanted all the attendees to understand it was relaxed or informal and used this “brand” as an example?

If you don’t want to be viewed as someone who sells the only answer is not to sell. Develop a strong personal brand by ensuring you can help people that you meet. They will give you the opportunity to attend other events. At this point you have an opportunity to promote yourself, your business or your cause and request what is of most benefit to you. Perhaps you can introduce yourself using a metaphor that avoids bad brands and makes it clear what you do?

Where is the opportunity?

I would say anyone that thinks a coach or financial adviser are not great people to have in a group probably needs a coach. I’m not a coach or a financial adviser yet I have a lot of time for them. If I saw a group excluding my competition, I would ask to attend. I would make it clear what I did and help them understand how I could help the group, rather than vomiting how I can help myself.

I’m not saying you should go where you are made unwelcome. Yet if you get the feeling your “brand” may be tainted by what has gone before you shouldn’t allow people to associate you with it. Develop your own with a reputation for being helpful. And reap the rewards where others cannot tread if you are really brave. I know not everyone will feel comfortable doing this. Fortune favours the brave.

Wrap up: If you want to build a network do not exclude anyone that is of high quality, you can tell by the way they act whether they are experienced or need your help. If they need a bit of help provide it rather than abandoning them. Don’t judge by whom you have met before.

Top Tip: Don’t make your whole network a business. You might be missing opportunities to meet people you wouldn’t meet in other settings. Go to groups that resonate with you on a social level. Meetup.com is a good place to start as are LinkedIn groups.

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Joining a group could be a waste of time

Comments on last weeks post related to people being forced to provide referrals in networking groups. Time is expensive so here is a link to my guide to choosing a group that suits you. If you’re already in a group read on to discover that every network can generate referrals – even if it’s not written or contrived. 

Some referral groups are given a bad name because of bad leadership. Every group will generate referrals. The quality is up to the individual. If you haven’t received the referrals you deserve you may think about leaving. If you haven’t kept your commitments the leaderships may be thinking of asking you to leave. Either way, most people commit their time to groups so they can generate business. If they leave a group, does a reputation go with them, good or bad? Or is it the group that suffers?

What do you want from a group, referrals or something else?

The comments on last weeks post on LinkedIn were eulogies of a particular group. All groups have something to offer yet the comments last week didn’t include any proof that any particular group generated high quality, profitable leads. Talk of relaxed meetings and opportunities to present is great. Most people I meet are more interested in the amount of business each (paying) group generates for members.  

There is an easy way to work out the return. Take a look at the numbers of referrals you receive. The group will probably have your stats if you haven’t kept them. Compare the referrals with your conversion rate – that’s how many referrals you get compared to how many you earn income on. If the referral rate is high your group loves you. If the conversion rate is high your group are bringing you the referrals you need. If either is low you can change it.

What can networkers do to improve their rates? 

If you haven’t been in the group for long and want to improve the referral rate adapt these 5 questions and start helping your group more. Pay particular attention to those that are already providing you with the best quality leads. If you have been in the group for a while or want to improve your conversion rate make sure you know the answers to these questions 

Once you are ready to multiply these rates again let me know. Geordie Alan contributed 2 more questions as comments on the bottom of that post. If you can weave the answers to Alan’s questions into the answers to the original 5 you will be doing very well indeed. If you have any other questions that you think improves results from networking, add them as a comment below.

Wrap up: Networkers should select where they spend their time very carefully. A quick review of referrals received will help you work out which area can be tweaked to improve results.

Top Tip: Don’t think that joining or growing a group will automatically increase referral rates. Quality referrals are out there. Relying on a group could prove an expensive use of your time. Reflect on where your successes have been in all forms of networking.

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This week I’ll talk about John, who has trouble generating referrals

The trouble is John thinks he is a great networker so it’s everyone else’s fault that he doesn’t get referrals. I remember a conversation I had with John a couple of years ago when he told me he gave great introductions yet no-one introduced him in return. He was certain that he provided more referrals than he received so I did a little research on his public profile.

The first thing I found that indicated what was going on was that his LinkedIn connections were hidden. There’s nothing wrong with keeping connections close to your chest yet it gives the impression of a closed networker. And perhaps people will not open their contact book if they think that you will hesitate to introduce them. I don’t agree with that thinking yet I accept it is the way some people think. Which is why it’s important to go first and make an introduction – especially if few other people do.

What else are they doing wrong?

The next alarm bell rang when John stopped associating with a group that he had got to know over a two year period. Just when the relationships were being cemented. More evidence that he was not happy with the way other people were performing. So I asked the question. “Why did you leave?” “They weren’t referring me” was the reply. Do you think he asked them why?

It appears that there was no soul searching so I decided to test the water when the opportunity arose. I gave John a referral. He was the right guy for the job as he had experience in the industry my contact operated in. I provided the details after discussing with both sides and requested an update when they had met. Later, I asked John what was happening and he advised that there had been a glitch, things had stalled yet the client was fully informed and a date for further progression had been agreed.

If only that were true. My instinct kicked in and whilst I’ve read “The Speed of Trust” I still obey my instinct. I made the effort to ask my contact if he was happy with progress and he was not. He had paid a fee and not received what he was expecting. I was pretty annoyed and told John he must resolve the situation at the earliest. He told me that someone had let him down. This showed that he wasn’t willing to accept responsibility.

How can using the left and right side of the brain help ?

When I actioned my LinkedIn mail later that day I found a request for an introduction from John. I nearly fell off my chair and politely reminded him that he needed to recover the first situation and let me know the outcome. He should have made sure he did a good job before moving onto the next. Putting himself “in my shoes” would have told him that.

Secondly, taking responsibility helps enormously when building credibility. There were a number of missed opportunities to keep me informed, keep the client informed and request help when he was in danger of not fulfilling his duty. If he had real empathy with the client he would have realised it was a necessity as things unravelled.

Finally, when things went wrong he could have examined the part that he played in them. This is where the most valuable lesson can be learned. When things go wrong look in the mirror, not out of the window.

I like John. I know where I went wrong in the situation. I’m still not certain John is using the part of his brain that matters most. If you’re name is John, this is not about you, the name has been change to protect the innocent.

Wrap up: Networking is a learned skill and practice will help you build your networking muscle. I agree with the academics who say networking is one of the few activities that engages the left and right side of the brain. You use the left for working out how you can help fellow networkers and the right for empathising and therefore engaging correctly.

Top Tip: Keep people informed of progress and blockages. Not incessant updates, just let them know when things have changed, especially if things go wrong. Then further referrals will follow, even if things don’t go smoothly.

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This is set to double his income and we finish with my top tip for generating referrals from every new client.

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I met Wayne when I attended a course, the course was about reducing stress and gave us plenty of food for thought. Wayne is the quiet thoughtful type and we shared a coffee after the course; he told me about his business and I told him about mine. We realised that we had mutual buddies. What I liked most about Wayne was his insistence on providing services to those that he could really help. So I invited Wayne to attend my workshop to see if he could find more of them.

What was Wayne’s missing link?

I read recently that there was nothing new in networking. On the contrary. Here’s Wayne’s testimonial:

‘The workshop is completely different. I like the way it has a built in mechanism to improve the efficiency of networking. I also had a great idea during the session that looks set to double my income. It relates to the application of the ‘Beyond Networking’ approach to my current best source of new business. There’s an opportunity just waiting to be taken, but that I was blissfully ignorant of’.

Is there anything new in networking?

What I like most about this is that Wayne had a light bulb moment during the workshop. I remember when he went quiet, looking up and out of the window. I thought I’d lost him . Wayne’s missing link is his opportunity, the one that is no longer waiting to be taken. He can adapt his networking by thinking differently and multiply his income.

Wrap up: There are hundreds of people out there who are members of networking membership groups. This is great, I advocate working in groups. Yet, is it possible that the results getting can be multiplied by thinking differently?

Top Tip: Let your prospects know that you are going to ask for testimonials if they become clients - yet they don’t have to if they don’t want to. This will do two things. It lets them know that you are going to work hard to help them (and you are aren’t you!) It also sows a seed that you can water at a later date.

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Beyond Networking is a networking results company. It will take five minutes to determine if anything they do will save you time and effort when networking.

My friends are always amazed with how much I love what I do – notice how I didn’t call it work. They say things like “insurance is boring” and “networking is horrible”. The fact is that I do both and enjoy (almost) every minute. So here I will try and explain three reasons why I leap out of bed every morning.

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Networking is about people

Finding out about people is fun and interesting too. When I first went networking I made every mistake going. Being determined to make a success of myself I probably made more than most. I learn from my mistakes as repeating them is a waste of time. No-one makes time so it’s life’s most precious gift. Spending it with people is my favourite use of time. Yet it has to be effective to produce results. Talking about the weather is unlikely to produce a result.

It generates consistent introductions

Having a plan and using it consistently will generate results. The results are determined by the plan. A bad plan equals bad results. A good plan equals – you guessed it – great results. A plan to generate income that works will generate more income if it is applied consistently. A system that is applied consistently becomes a habit. Habits become second nature – like going to the gym (tough at first, part of your routine after a while). Now, after years of trying and testing I have a systematic plan that I have applied so habitually it is “second nature”.

I get the clients that I want

This means profitable. If you are the “go to” person in your field you will find that you have competitors yet they aren’t able to compete with your reputation. The people that introduce me qualify the introduction and by keeping in touch we keep each other up to date with what we’re doing and who we would like to meet.

Wrap up: Networking is about people. It’s fun and generates consistent introductions that are profitable because of the low cost of acquisition.

Top Tip: If you don’t enjoy networking change the way you do it. Keep changing it until you are getting the results you deserve.

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As usual, I’ll qualify my sweeping statement above and say that it’s OK to provide flyers to people you already know. That’s because they are keen to help you. Conversely, it’s not great when someone tramples on the etiquette of an event or group by distributing flyers. Their personal and company brand can be damaged. They can be forgiven if they don’t know it’s frowned upon yet you could argue that they should have asked.

Why shouldn’t I dish out flyers?

Flyers, leaflets or promotion of products as an immediate solution is advertising. The online version is an advert in a discussion forum. Networking is not the right environment for an advert. It is prudent to have a promotion. It is great if you present details that highlight the benefits of what you do. Yet it is counter productive to do this in an environment where advertising is frowned upon. Networking is a form of permission marketing so you must get permission before marketing. Once you have done that it is OK to promote the benefits of what you do. But you must get permission first.

A good example of someone who has got it right is Graham. He visits network groups from time to time and is accepted with open arms. This is because he’s helpful and he’s taken the time to build relationships. When he hands out his leaflets they tell us a story about someone who had serious stress that he relieved. And he waits until he has permission before he hands out his leaflets.

Why do networkers advertise when they should be engaging?

Because they want a quick win. To prove the point I’ll tell you a story. A child walks into school for the first time, shouts hello to everyone at once and says “My Dad is the chairman of the local football club. I can get a ticket for people that are nice to me”. The word you are looking for begins in W, yes a “wally” (Our cousins in the US can respond and let us know what their version of a wally is). Most people think she is arrogant, yet she’s probably just nervous and wants to make friends quickly. Perhaps people distributing flyers are looking for sales rather than mutually beneficial relationships?

Another child walks in a couple of days later, says hello to those that approach him and listens intently to what’s going on. When someone indicates that they are a big fan of the local club he tells them (quietly) he might be able to get them a ticket from time to time. The whole group will hear about his generosity in a short period of time. And they don’t know his Dad is the chairman. He knows that if he waits, is just “himself” people will grow to like him and relationships build from there. If you like this analogy take a peek at the Marshmallow Test post which highlights the difference between the two mentalities.

When can I use flyers when networking?

The short answer is when you have permission or when it directly addresses a concern that has been raised. Why annoy people you’ve just met. Surely, you would rather engage them? The difference is clear.

Another good example is Lucy who runs a magazine that’s great for those that want more business in Kensington. Lucy doesn’t expect people to read her literature. Instead she asks them to leave her magazine on buses and trains if we don’t have time read them. Lucy’s happy to do this because they are of sufficient quality to be read and collected by people who live or work in the area. They are a good read; packed with local information, education and fun. Lucy knows that most people will not want to advertise in her publication yet experience shows that they find their way into the hands of people that like the style of the magazine.

Wrap up: Networking is a form of permission marketing so advertising is OK if express permission has been granted. Leaving information is probably a waste of time and the resources spent producing it. It’s best to build relationships first.

Top Tip: If you meet someone that distributes flyers at events without permission tell them to hang around until the end as they can probably collect most of them. This may help them realise it’s a waste of time, effort and resource. The moderators in online groups will usually advise those that advertise not to do it again.

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Beyond Networking is a networking results company. It will take five minutes to determine if anything they do will save you time and effort when networking.